Author Topic: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages  (Read 6501 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #140 on: August 31, 2017, 06:34:27 AM »
Darn it, I was afraid someone might take me seriously!

But, regarding the definition you posted, "greasers" did have a pejorative connotation.

Good one, Jean Nutty!  You got me!

On another note, Topps has, indeed, become more sensitive, Paul Maul, as you can clearly see from the title below in which auto mechanics are no longer portrayed as greasers (but rather just toothless idiots):



Whether one is an artist or holds a corporate position, it is always a good policy to "put yourself in another's shoes" if one is to avoid portrayals that might offend.  Case in point, the box turtle that lives behind my house finds the following title offensive and refuses to include it in his collection.  For many years now (as I am sure many of you will understand,) this has always been a rather sharp thorn in his side as he is a completist.  The hardships created by such parodies also extend peripherally, as well, as I have had to endure his continual ravings for the past decade, and, being a caring and considerate good neighbor, housed this one, lone card in its own special binder on its own separate shelf on the off chance that someday he might reconsider.


« Last Edit: September 01, 2017, 06:12:51 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline sco(o)t

  • Posts: 3518
  • Happy 50th Birthday, Wackies!
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #141 on: August 31, 2017, 09:53:19 AM »

...

  Case in point, the box turtle that lives behind my house finds the following title offensive and refuses to include it in his collection.  For many years now (as I am sure many of you will understand,) this has always been a rather sharp thorn in his side as he is a completist.  The hardships created by such parodies also extend peripherally, as well, as I have had to endure his continual ravings for the past decade, and, being a caring and considerate good neighbor, housed this one, lone card in its own special binder on its own separate shelf on the off chance that someday he might reconsider.



And given many types of box turtles' longevity of 50 to 100 years old, the ranting may continue for decades to come.  ;)
aka Scot Leibacher (no trademark)

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #142 on: August 31, 2017, 03:37:56 PM »
And given many types of box turtles' longevity of 50 to 100 years old, the ranting may continue for decades to come.  ;)

100 years???  Some ranting is even bearable, provided it is fast-paced.  But his is just so... so... so... slow...

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #143 on: September 01, 2017, 05:18:38 PM »
Possibility...

"Aral Extra Extra Dry" Anti-Protectorant  (Parody of "Arrid Extra Extra Dry" Antiperspirant.)

Instead of the double "X"s, container features the front hulls of two ships side-by-side rusting away in the Aral "Sea."  In the foreground, (the head of) a camel holds a dead fish in its mouth (whose head is protruding from one side and the tail from the other.)  Waves of stench emanate from the fish, and the camel has two large corks (or plugs) exaggeratedly protruding from its nostrils.

"New Look!  Same Rusted Formula!"

"Desert Fresh" Scent (Only the word "Fish" has been stamped in stencil lettering above the word "Fresh.")

"Minimal Strength Precipitation"






« Last Edit: September 04, 2017, 08:17:32 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #144 on: September 02, 2017, 06:20:04 AM »
While I'm on the subject of ecological disasters...

Old School possibility...

"Ranger Slick's Danger Magazine"  (Parody of "Ranger Rick's Nature Magazine.)

1970s magazine cover depicts raccoon ("Ranger Rick") as a gypsy worriedly gazing into a crystal ball.  Inside the crystal ball, a panicked group of deciduous woodland creatures - fox, rabbit, otter, skunk, birds, etc. - are fleeing from a geyser of gooey, black oil which has just erupted out of the ground behind them.  A few globs of oil are slowly dripping from Ranger Slick's face and paws, as well as oozing down the curved sides of the crystal ball.

"Ranger Slick's Top 50 Oil Spill Predictions"

"Excreta Valdez * Purging Gulf * Darkwater Horizon"








« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 06:48:27 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #145 on: September 02, 2017, 08:40:12 AM »
Possibility...

(Watching This Film Will Render You) "Catatonic"  (Parody of "Titanic" film.)

DVD box features Jack and Rose on the bow of Titanic.  Their arms are outstretched, yet both are asleep and snoring (Zzzzz...) with strands of spit drooling from their open mouths.

Below the movie title, the R.I.P. Titanic steams slowly across the Atlantic.  In the foreground, a "yield" sign is sticking out of the water.  A polar bear sitting on a flat ice floe (with a paddle in paw) is yelling, "Hoy! Wake up and read the bloomin' sign, idiots!"

"Leonardo CatNapio / Kate 40 Winkslet"

"Written and Directed by James Comatose"

"Now Featuring Over 5 Hours of Extended 'Bow' (Scene) Footage!"

"Hypnotizing.  Mesmerizing.  Tranquilizing."

"The Snooze of a Lifetime! - Roger Sleepert"




« Last Edit: September 02, 2017, 08:07:28 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #146 on: September 02, 2017, 02:13:12 PM »
Possibility...

"Tiger Palm Pain Reliving Scratch"  (Parody of "Tiger Balm Pain Relieving Patch.")

Box features large tiger lying down on red bar (as if it was a ledge.)  In its front paw it holds a bamboo back scratcher and is reaching down with it, scratching the human's back (which is kind of stupid, being it could just as easily reach down and scratch the man's back with its claws.)   Although trails of scratches are on the human's back, we can see from the dopey man's turned head that he is actually smiling and enjoying it as if being tickled.  The Chinese "gentle tiger" symbols along the bottom of the box could be cat paw prints or, perhaps, little stick men semaphore characters spelling out "Scratch my back, baby!" or "Tickles You Pink!"

"Advanced Hidden Claw Scratch Technology."

"Alleviates Original Pain by Creating Temporary New Pain!"

(Contents) "5 Scratches"






« Last Edit: September 05, 2017, 05:38:33 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #147 on: September 02, 2017, 06:32:45 PM »
Possibility...

"Bankbusters Dice Cubes"  (Parody of "Icebreakers Ice Cubes" Gum.)

Canister features penguin (in background) with green gambling visor and stogie rolling two dice (foreground.)  The dice are white frozen cubes with blue pips.  An artificial, neon light, multi-colored aurora curves through the sky (to give everything more of a "Vegas feel.")

"Long Lasting 'Winning' Flavor?  You bet!"

"Polarmint / Arctic and Antarctic Flavor"

"40 Tosses / Gum of Chance"

"Favorite of Frozen Casinos"




« Last Edit: September 03, 2017, 08:59:02 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #148 on: September 02, 2017, 07:14:11 PM »
Possibility...

"Slip Bar" (Parody of "Clif Bar.")

Wrapper depicts climber, having lost his grip, falling backwards away from cliff into thin air.  Covering his hands is a gooey, brown, chocolatey mess.

"Messy Chocolate Slip" (Flavor)

"Anti-Anti-Gravity Bar"

"Moan With Authentic "Oh-No's!"



Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #149 on: September 02, 2017, 08:00:20 PM »
Possibility...

"La Babar"  (Parody of "Larabar" Fruit and Nut Bar.)

Wrapper features Babar the Elephant wearing a chintzy, cardboard "Burger Thing" crown.  One eyeball is exaggeratedly larger than the other, and his eyebrows are bushy and pointedly arched, giving him an over-the-top "deranged" appearance.

"The Unoriginal Fruitcake and Just-Plain-Nuts Bar..."

"...for Delusional Elephants."

"Peanut Batty and Jelly"

"NUT IQ: 10/6







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #150 on: September 03, 2017, 11:20:23 AM »
Possibility...

"Moo Pie" (Parody of "Moon Pie".)

Box features goofy cow jumping over a startled moon.  The moon pie itself is rendered with a cow face, and horns are protruding from either side.  A rocket is lodged in the moon pie/cow's left eye socket (reminiscent of George Melies's famous moon scene from "A Trip to the Moon.")

"The Original Milky Way Sandwich"

"12 Individually Wrapped Cow Pies"

"Chocolate Milk" (Flavor)

"Udderly Delicious!"







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #151 on: September 03, 2017, 08:13:45 PM »
Possibiity...

"Toby's Bone"  (Parody of "Toblerone.")

Parody depicts head of a crazed, drooling Spitz dog gripping a Toblerone bar in its mouth.  The package is open at one end, and a bone-shaped chocolate bar is partially sticking out.  The dog's upper teeth have bitten into both the package and bar, giving some portions a distinct, triangular "mountain range" shape.  Sparkling diamonds, assorted other gemstones, and veins of gold are embedded in the chocolate.  Instead of the "hidden" bear in the mountain logo, there is the silhouette of a begging dog.

"Rich Milk Chocolate with Money and Diamond Nuggets"

"For Dogs with Expensive Taste!" or "Treasure the Taste!"

"Bank of Spitzerland"







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #152 on: September 04, 2017, 08:57:37 AM »
Old School possibility...

"Horrorland Insani-Fright" Polish  (Parody of "Hollywood Sani-White" Polish.)

Box features face of child rendered as a China doll's head.  The face is disturbing (as some doll faces often are) and very pale, almost white.  Craquelure (fine cracks) run just below the varnish, and here and there, sections of China have broken away, revealing the interior of the hollow head.

"Demonic / To Chill Your Soul"

"For All Frightful Spooks"

"Excellent for Specters, Too!"

"'Boo!' Persistent"





Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #153 on: September 04, 2017, 06:23:54 PM »
Possibility...

"Redrum" Extreme Hair Stiffener  (Parody of "Redken" Extreme Hair Conditioner.)

Lower half of bottle features Jack Nicholson's frozen face from "The Shining."  Rather than hexagons in the background, hexagonal snowflakes are falling around him.  Icicles also hang from various parts of the bottle.  (Perhaps the Grady twins in blue dresses could be featured in the empty space on the upper part of the bottle?  "Now Twice as Strong!")

"Mortifier for Distressed Snowbound Families"

"For That Perfect Shine Every Time!"

"333 Wonderview Ave, Estes Park, CO"  (Address of the Stanley Hotel on which the Overlook Hotel is based.)

"Psychologically Complex"

"The 'Hair' Caretaker"

"Directions: Whack. Chop. Repeat"










« Last Edit: September 04, 2017, 06:49:47 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #154 on: September 05, 2017, 07:20:04 PM »
Possibility...

"DiVolcano Historical Rising Crust" Pizza  (Parody of "DiGiorno Original Rising Crust" Pizza.)

Box depicts an erupting volcano rising out of the pizza.  Gooey streams of cheese and pizza sauce ooze down the sides like lava.  A few Pompeii-like buildings stand at the base.  Frightened people (and a dog) are running away and waving their hands in the air.  Another person stands facing the volcano, watering it down with a garden hose.

"It's Not Vesuvius.  It's DiVolcano."

"Bakin' & Cheese"

"Cooking Temperature: 4000 Degrees"





- or -

"DeGenerate Rising Crustacean" Pizza  (Parody of "DiGiorno Rising Crust" Pizza.)

Box depicts a red, leviathan lobster-like creature rising out of roiling waves of cheese, attacking a tall sailing vessel.  The bow of the ship has risen high, and one of the lobster's claws has just snapped the main mast in two.  Panicked sailors are jumping overboard and floundering in the cheese.  Another sailor has been lifted into the air and is desperately struggling to free himself from the lobster's other claw.

"It's Not Devious.  It's Degenerate."

"Seven Cheese"





Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #155 on: September 06, 2017, 07:05:09 PM »
"Old School" possibility...

"Addams Family Cigar Cutter" (Parody of "Adams Cigarette Cutter.")

Package features an actual (albeit, miniature) colonial guillotine inside plastic wrap.  In the upper left hand corner a rabbit in a hat is gaping in startlement.   In the opposite upper corner is a likeness of Gomez Addams with a cigar in hand.  Below him is is an illustration of the guillotine.  A cigar is inserted, as well as an arm that has just been severed at the hand.  (The hand, of course, being "Thing.")

"Spooky, Kooky, and Ooky Pranks"

"The knife that cuts the cigar in half leaves your fingers completely unharmed."

"Anyone Can be A Magician!  It's A Snap! Snap!"  (Note: Double "snap" intentional - as heard in the theme song.)




« Last Edit: September 06, 2017, 07:16:55 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #156 on: September 07, 2017, 05:47:20 PM »
Possibility...

"Mole" Subterranean Root Salad (Parody of "Dole" Tropical Fruit Salad.)

Rusty can features a mole (with pick ax and headlamp) beside a bowl of a tangled, dirty roots interwoven with earthworms and grubs.  (Other worms and grubs could be escaping from inside the can through rusty holes, or lying at the base of the can.)

"In Light Soil."





Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #157 on: September 07, 2017, 06:36:52 PM »
Possibility...

"Terror Bullies" (or "Terribly Bruised") Potato Chips  (Parody of "Terra Blues" Potato Chips.)

Bag features (a dozen or so) anthropomorphic potato chips (with faces and Mickey Mouse-like arms and legs) engaged a no-holds-barred match in a boxing ring, pounding one another black and blue (and purple.)  Note:  In my opinion, there is not enough purple in Wackys.  Some have stitches and swollen eyes, while others are sprawled senseless across the ropes, etc..

"Made from Unnaturally Aggressive Potatoes"

"Super Heavyweight"

"Fat Free-For-All"


« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 06:44:35 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #158 on: September 09, 2017, 10:21:52 AM »
Possibility...

"Farm Wretch" Dangerous Chicken Bites  (Parody of "Farm Rich" Boneless Chicken Bites.)

Box features a ramshackle barn perched on a rolling hill in the far, upper background.  In front of this, a hen sits on a nest of breaded eggs.  One or two of the eggs are in the process of hatching, revealing chicks.  In the immediate foreground, a worried farmer is hightailing away from a rooster that is attempting to peck his rear end.  The farmer's butt is pulled forward away from the rooster (like a child might do, say, if their mom was trying smack their bottom with a wooden spoon.  Note: Not that this ever happened to me.)  All of the fowl - hen, chicks, and rooster - all are wild-eyed, crazed, and disheveled.

"Band-Aids (or Band-Aches) Included"

"For Those with Peckish Appetites!"

"Not Cage Free for Good Reason!"



Offline mikecho

  • Posts: 590
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #159 on: September 09, 2017, 11:43:18 AM »
You know, Baked Bears, Topps is a bunch of fools for not listening to someone like you. You've got lots of great ideas that, I think, could revitalize the whole Wacky decline practically overnight! (By the way, your subject title should say "Baked Bears' "Wordy" Ideas". The apostrophe is in the wrong place. Just thought you'd like to know.)

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #160 on: September 09, 2017, 02:47:59 PM »
You know, Baked Bears, Topps is a bunch of fools for not listening to someone like you. You've got lots of great ideas that, I think, could revitalize the whole Wacky decline practically overnight! (By the way, your subject title should say "Baked Bears' "Wordy" Ideas". The apostrophe is in the wrong place. Just thought you'd like to know.)

Thanks, Mikecho.  Appreciate the feedback and compliments.

You're right about the apostrophe.  Never noticed it before.  Shame on me, being a teacher and all.  Unfortunately, I tried before to get in and change my thread title, but there's some sort of glitch and the site won't let me.  Someone had suggested changing it to "Wordy" Packages.  If I do ever manage to get in, I'll change both.

Offline mikecho

  • Posts: 590
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #161 on: September 09, 2017, 03:17:48 PM »
Thanks! Good luck on the changes! Maybe you could talk to Pat (Raw Goo) about getting them done.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 03:21:46 PM by mikecho »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #162 on: September 09, 2017, 03:27:44 PM »
While driving home yesterday afternoon, my entire front wheel came off and decided to go in a different direction.  Later on, while purchasing replacement lug nuts and bolts - and despite my anxiety to get back to my truck on the interstate before nightfall and the possibility of state troopers having it towed away - I couldn't help visualizing Wackys while waiting in the auto parts store.  I think I might need professional help, as this is becoming an obsession.  (Or maybe, just perhaps, Wackys are rather a "saving grace" or "cure-all" for life's little stressful moments?)

At any rate...


Possibility...

"Vittle Trees" Appetizer  (Parody of "Little Trees" Air Freshener.)

Package features a "Little Tree" air freshener with a bite taken out of it (despite the fact that it is still wrapped in cellophane.)  Whatever the scent, the word "Flavor" is written in a lower case below the scent's name.

"6 Servings"

"Snacks for On-the-Go!"



As an aside, I enjoy fresh tomatoes as much as the next guy, but "tomato" scent?  Really?



I wonder if, to collectors of air fresheners (and I'm sure there are some,) this is regarded as the moment when "Little Trees" 'jumped the shark?'

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #163 on: September 09, 2017, 03:29:21 PM »
Thanks! Good luck on the changes! Maybe you could talk to Pat (Raw Goo) about getting them done.

Good suggestion!  I'll do that.  Thanks, again!

Offline mikecho

  • Posts: 590
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #164 on: September 09, 2017, 03:43:54 PM »
While driving home yesterday afternoon, my entire front wheel came off and decided to go in a different direction.  Later on, while purchasing replacement lug nuts and bolts - and despite my anxiety to get back to my truck on the interstate before nightfall and the possibility of state troopers having it towed away - I couldn't help visualizing Wackys while waiting in the auto parts store.  I think I might need professional help, as this is becoming an obsession.  (Or maybe, just perhaps, Wackys are rather a "saving grace" or "cure-all" for life's little stressful moments?)

At any rate...


Possibility...

"Vittle Trees" Appetizer  (Parody of "Little Trees" Air Freshener.)

Package features a "Little Tree" air freshener with a bite taken out of it (despite the fact that it is still wrapped in cellophane.)  Whatever the scent, the word "Flavor" is written in a lower case below the scent's name.

"6 Servings"

"Snacks for On-the-Go!"



As an aside, I enjoy fresh tomatoes as much as the next guy, but "tomato" scent?  Really?



I wonder if, to collectors of air fresheners (and I'm sure there are some,) this is regarded as the moment when "Little Trees" 'jumped the shark?'
For once Topps beat you to it! This was done in OLDS1 as Little Trash Air Foulers. But, all is not lost-maybe this could be an ANS sticker, since the packaging could've changed over time since the 1970s. By the way, thanks, Pat, for helping out with the changes!
« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 03:46:19 PM by mikecho »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #165 on: September 09, 2017, 05:20:01 PM »
For once Topps beat you to it! This was done in OLDS1 as Little Trash Air Foulers. But, all is not lost-maybe this could be an ANS sticker, since the packaging could've changed over time since the 1970s. By the way, thanks, Pat, for helping out with the changes!

You're absolutely right!  Curses!  Thanks for pointing this out, though.  I did a super quick check beforehand, but I was too lazy to check my binders or simply click over onto Greg Grant's site.  An up-to-date version could be done, though, as you suggested.  Aside from Christmas ideas, I usually do try to throw products out there that have never been parodied before.

At one point last night, I was considering a 9 card subset of these - minus the packaging, that is, just the actual tree - simply because there are so many different scents - "lemon" with a beat up car on it, etc., but then thought better of it.  Such a subset would be cool, however, if the titles were actually stickers - you know, those old-fashion things - that you could peel off and stick to an actual "Little Tree" hanging from your rear view mirror.  But then and again, without the packaging, they wouldn't be Wackys - unless the tree sticker inside was actually wrapped in cellophane with the other gags printed on the actual clear wrapper.  In other words, a Wacky Package "brought to life" (except there wouldn't be an actual air freshener inside, but just a tree sticker - or perhaps one step better, an actual cardboard parody tree.  A Wacky in a Wacky, as it were.)  One could either keep the package intact - or open it up and stick the parody on a real "Little Tree."  Might make a nice, one-time-only bonus item, though.

And yes, thank you very much, Pat!!!
« Last Edit: September 09, 2017, 05:37:37 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #166 on: September 09, 2017, 06:44:38 PM »
Possibility...

"Grrrrr-It's Satellite Woofers"  (Parody of "Gerrit's Satellite Wafers".)

Bag features pastel "Satellite Wafers" rendered as dogs' faces.  (Each wafer is a single color, though, made to look like a 3-D dog face through light and shadow.)  The upper half of the bag features a smiling dog face (licking its chops) as it looks down on tiny, tiny, tiny colorful cats running hither and thither across an Alpine countryside.

"Filled with Assorted Randy Felines"

"NET WT.  1.23 Me-Ounces"







- or -

"Burn It!  Satellite Warriors"  (Parody of "Gerrit's Satellite Wafers".)

Bag features pastel "Satellite Wafers" as flying saucers.  The upper half of the bag features flying saucers in the countryside wreaking havoc and pandemonium and zapping everything with death beams a la "Mars Attacks."

"Filled with Extraterrestrial Beings"

"DEATH RATE  1.23 Million"



Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #167 on: September 10, 2017, 08:01:14 AM »
Possibility...

"Fuse" Beverage"  (Parody of "Fuze" Beverage.)

Bottle (in the case of this particular flavor) features little blueberries and raspberries with lit fuses sticking out of their tops (similar to stereotypical, spherical black bombs.)  A much longer fuse protrudes from the top and snakes down and around to the bottle's base.

"Unhealthy Explosions"

"Vaporize"

"Boomberry Blastberry"

"10 Catastrophes Per Serving"

"It's a Blast!" or "Lose Weight Fast!"




« Last Edit: September 11, 2017, 03:54:44 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #168 on: September 10, 2017, 07:47:31 PM »
Possibility...

"Browned Up"
  (Parody of "Round Up.")

Bottle features wilted grass and anthropomorphic flowers all rendered in various shades of brown.  The flowers' heads are drooped, and their faces have nauseous expressions with bleary eyes, tongues hanging out, etc..  (Or possibly the flowers could be skulls surrounded by petals.)  One or two are wearing gas masks.  Likewise, the green handle of the bottle (right hand side) "morphs" into a gas mask with a hose.

"Browned Up (for Laughs)"

"Kills... Whatever"

"Brown. It's the New Green!"

"Gives Your Lawn an Attractive Dead Perimeter!"




« Last Edit: September 11, 2017, 03:56:10 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #169 on: September 12, 2017, 05:03:32 PM »
Possibility...

"Diamond 'Magical' Toothtricks"  (Parody of "Diamond Toothpicks.")

Box features an extracted molar tooth (that has seen better days) standing on its roots.  A single toothpick is going in one side through a black cavity and coming out of the opposite side.

"750 Tricks!"

"Amaze Your Family and Friends!"

"Destruction Book Included!"  (Written on side or top panel.)




« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 04:04:11 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #170 on: September 12, 2017, 07:20:43 PM »
Possibility...

"Gooey Collie Greens"  (Parody of "Glory Collard Greens.")

Can features a four/five black and white border collies in a bowl of collard greens.  They are a mess, as the mushy vegetable clings to them like seaweed.  A lone sheep is also half hidden in the mix.

"Squeezed In"

"South-of-the-Border Style"





Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #171 on: September 12, 2017, 07:47:21 PM »
Possibility...

"Child Turkey" Whiskey  (Parody of "Wild Turkey" Whiskey.)

Illustration on bottle features a baby turkey (chick.)  Around it are rattles, ABC blocks, colored stacking rings, etc..  Instead of a cap, the bottle has a rubber nipple.  Inside the bottle, a mobile is suspended, perhaps with teddy bears or a moon and stars.

"Austin Nipples"

"Nursery Burpin' Whiskey"

"1 Proof"


« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 03:59:29 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #172 on: September 13, 2017, 02:54:54 PM »
Possibility...

"La Toy" Rubber Duck Sauce (Parody of "La Choy" Duck Sauce.)

Label features a picture of a toy rubber duck (with rivulets of sauce running down it.)   Inside are many more tinier rubber ducks suspended topsy-turvy in the murky sauce.  (If the contents were lowered a bit below the lid, tiny bits of green duckweed could be floating on the surface of the sauce.)

"Perspired by Traditional Peking Ducks"

Instead of the Chinese "east" character, substitute the following which translates as "foul:" 恶臭的







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #173 on: September 13, 2017, 03:43:06 PM »
If "A&P" qualified as an iconic brand back in the 70s, I believe - though I hesitate to admit the awful truth of it - that the following would now qualify today...

"Gross Value" Crummy Raisin Bland Cereal  (Parody of "Great Value" Crunchy Raisin Bran Cereal.)

Mangled and dented - (this goes without saying) - box features the head of a nauseous cow with a "cud-like" cascade of milk and soggy cereal pouring from its mouth and splattering back into the bowl.

"The prices roll back, while your stomach rolls over!"



(Or, possibly, "Goat Value" and change the cow's head into a goat's.)
« Last Edit: September 14, 2017, 04:50:48 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #174 on: September 14, 2017, 04:35:22 PM »
(Perhaps "Wicked Packages?") Possibility...

"Little Cubbie" Honey Runs  (Parody of "Little Debbie" Honey Buns.)

Box features face of smiling bear cub (replacing Little Debbie in the upper left corner.)  In the background, honey bees are crawling across two glazed honey buns.  In the foreground - going from one side of the box to the other - is a long line of impatient bears (of various sizes) waiting in line for an outhouse (situated on right hand side of carton.)  One of the bears is holding a roll of toilet tissue in his paw, another has a newspaper or magazine, still another is texting on a phone, while yet another is gripping a honey dipper (though heaven knows what he will be using it for.)  Musical notes are emanating from the outhouse (from a bear inside who is whistling or singing.)

"Eating These Will Give You The Honey Runs"

"Going Potty Has Never Been Sweeter!"

"Bearly Edible"







(Or, perhaps, go a bit risque with "Little Debutante's Honeyed Buns," the pastries on the box being replaced by a certain feature of the human anatomy, only dripping with sweet, golden honey.)
« Last Edit: September 16, 2017, 06:54:48 AM by Baked Bears »