Author Topic: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas  (Read 4222 times)

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Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #35 on: April 06, 2017, 06:48:25 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"Grinch's Sloppy Snow Mix"  (Parody of "French's Sloppy Joe Mix".) 

Packet of "Sloppy Snow Mix" with a smiling, lip-curling Grinch in upper right side.  Below is a large burger bun with heaps of white/gray "mall snow" (mixed with asst. pieces of "trash": spiders, garlic bulbs, termites, a seasick crocodile, black bananas with greasy black peels, etc.) tumbling out on to the table.  Max, with a grin, is walking away from the tumbled snow having just added yet another color, yellow.  (Perhaps the Grinch could be driving a snowplow with the large sandwich being pushed by the curved blade.)

"Cruel Look!  Same Great Whoville Taste!"

"Made with Whoville Mall Parking Lot Snow"

"Queasoning Mix"


« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 03:58:06 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #36 on: April 09, 2017, 06:01:35 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"Dumped Inside Snow-Pile Frosty"  (Parody of "Duncan Hines Home-Style Frosting".)

Lower left side of can features "Frosty the Snowman" being spread by a butter knife as if he was vanilla cake frosting.  One half of his face is distorted and smeared across the label - stretched eyeball, mouth, etc. - similar to some of the horrors in John Carpenter's "The Thing."  Over on the right hand side, the little, white magician's rabbit is tightly pulling down on ears as he watches on in horror.  (Eliminate the large word "creamy" so the word "Frosty" can be larger.)

"Classic Vanilla & Coal"


« Last Edit: April 09, 2017, 06:26:21 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline crackedjerk

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #37 on: April 12, 2017, 07:17:40 AM »


More or less, most of the things one would find in a newspaper.
   


It's an interesting idea.  I'm also not a fan of the Wacky world morphing into politics and all other sorts of non-product items.  In fact, I kinda didn't like it when Topps did magazines, a football, Decay toothpaste (not a parody of a real product) back in the 70's.  I like to think of Wackys as parodies of household products (yes, I know magazines fit that bill, but maybe the fact that one series had so many while others had none, or virtually none, bothered me a bit).  But if there was a spin-off line that focused on the categories you listed (ie, those things you might see in a newspaper), that could be its own success and leave Wackys to parody household items.  I don't know, "Nutty Newspapers" or something like that.  I guess Crazy Covers has been taken, so that's out ;)

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #38 on: April 15, 2017, 06:46:54 PM »
It's an interesting idea.  I'm also not a fan of the Wacky world morphing into politics and all other sorts of non-product items.  In fact, I kinda didn't like it when Topps did magazines, a football, Decay toothpaste (not a parody of a real product) back in the 70's.  I like to think of Wackys as parodies of household products (yes, I know magazines fit that bill, but maybe the fact that one series had so many while others had none, or virtually none, bothered me a bit).  But if there was a spin-off line that focused on the categories you listed (ie, those things you might see in a newspaper), that could be its own success and leave Wackys to parody household items.  I don't know, "Nutty Newspapers" or something like that.  I guess Crazy Covers has been taken, so that's out ;)

I wasn't too crazy about the magazines, either.  Mind, I appreciate many of them.  At the time, though, it seemed like too much, too fast.  Seemed too skewed, like a sudden and severe intrusion.  Perhaps they should have been spread out over 4 or 5 sets.  Kind of like, hypothetically speaking, if OS6 were released only for us to discover that half of the titles were service station motor oils of the 70s.

"Nutty Newspapers" sounds good.  Or maybe just "Nutty News" (so as not to limit such a series to strictly newspapers.)

I've been mulling over this idea about a spin-off line for a while, yet kept coming up against one particular obstacle: What would make such a series distinctive from other series, yet cohesive enough to allow it to stand on it's own (besides the news parodies/satires theme?)  It would have to feature characters/artwork that are instantly recognizable, yet also unique. 

And then I saw this:



Back in the day, GPK were spawned from one, lone title - and what a success they became.  And now, I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that the "Turfs" could be just as successful in the new millennium. 

1)  They are unique, like weird little lawn gnomes.  They definitely stand apart from Wacky and GPK characters.
2)  They are instantly recognizable.  Just as GPK are recognizable with their soft, pudgy features - even as Trump, Mariah Carey, a cat, or a gingerbread man - so, too, are the Turfs, with their green skin, Mickey Mouse hands, oversized heads, and big ears, eyes, and noses.
3)  They are malleable.  With a few alterations to their features, they could literally be anyone.
4)  Being parodies of the Smurfs, they bring with them a sense of the familiar, a sense of nostalgia.
5)  They are new.

Aside from the product parodies, the Turfs could have been surrogates for any of the WP/GPK political/social character satires we've seen of late.  And even then, they could have stood in for many of the products as well, especially the made up products.

Overall, I believe there is real possibility and potential here for a brand new series.

« Last Edit: April 16, 2017, 07:29:07 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #39 on: April 17, 2017, 11:14:12 AM »
Christmas possibility...

The Little Jammin' Boy('s All-Star Concert)  (Parody of "The Little Drummer Boy".)

Cover of DVD case features Aaron, the little drummer boy, in the center with a punk mohawk, piercings, and chains.  A gothic cross is tattooed on his arm.  Other musicians surround him, both in the background and foreground.  Bing Crosby with stylish top hat and tails.  David Bowie with glam makeup and attire.  Joshua the camel, wearing dark sunglasses and a fedora, stands playing an upright bass.  Samson the donkey, with 80s metal band long hair, wields an electric guitar, and Baba the lamb has Kiss makeup.  Essentially, the band is a hodgepodge of musical eras.

Featured songs:
   - The Times They Are A Changin'
   - Bang the Drum all Day
   - Rock the Casbah
   - Amazing Grace
   - Jingle Bells, Batman Smells











Well, not a lamb.  But you get the idea.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 11:18:07 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #40 on: April 22, 2017, 08:21:49 PM »
Christmas possibility...

Six Ton Fruit Cake  (Parody of "Claxton Fruit Cake".)

See thru portion of the box features a petrified fruit cake.  Among the red, yellow, and green pieces of fruit are fossilized trilobites, ammonites, and possibly a small dinosaur skull.  Instead of horses on the label, two small woolly mammoths are pulling the buggy.  A cave man sits behind the reins, while a saber-toothed cat hangs its head outside of the buggy window (like a dog going for a ride in a car.)

"A Prehistoric Tradition"
"Very Old Fashion"
"Irregular"
"Baked during the ice age according to a famous old neanderthal recipe."
"Net Wt. 6 Tons"
"Free (rock) pick included!"






« Last Edit: April 23, 2017, 04:52:18 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #41 on: April 23, 2017, 04:51:47 PM »
Old School possibility...

Draw "Crappy" Matchbook  (Parody of Draw "Spunky" Matchbook.)

(I realize this is not a "product" in the sense of the types of products that so many Wackys have parodied, however I believe it was very iconic enough in its time.)

Two matchbooks:  One open, revealing inside cover and matches, the second closed, laying slightly askew on top of the first.  The cover of the closed matchbook depicts the rough, sketched head of a goofy, idiotic dog, "Crappy," (or possibly the head of the "Pupsi" dog) along with the phrase, "Draw 'Crappy'."  The top spine of the matchbook states, "Fake Art Talent Contest / See Inside."

The second, open matchbook contains bent, beat up matches.  The inside, upper cover features a partial entry form which states something to the effect of: "Hey, dumb kids!  Draw 'Crappy' and win a fake art talent scholarship!  A rewarding and prosperous career as a Wacky Packages illustrator awaits you!  No cost or obligation (for now.)  Art Destruction, Inc."

Perhaps the entry form could already be filled out in a child's scrawl, such as: Jay Patrick Lynch, Age 10, Belmar, NJ, etc..

Being only half of the entry form is revealed, the trick would be to show pertinent phrases so the reader is able to infer the remainder of the text.  (Or perhaps some of the matches could be torn out, thereby allowing for some additional text to be seen.)

Note: If the "Pupsi" dog was used, I'd change the matchbook to state, "Draw 'Pupsy'," the implication being that young Master Lynch "borrowed" one of his more recognized creations from Art Instruction, Inc..







You'll notice that these characters always had "cutesy" names ending in "y."


« Last Edit: April 29, 2017, 02:37:00 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #42 on: April 23, 2017, 05:30:05 PM »
While researching the aforementioned matchbooks, I happened to stumble across this:



Ah, the creative things people will do to while away the time...

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #43 on: April 23, 2017, 07:56:07 PM »
I was toying about with an idea for a hypothetical subset (which I'll post later,) and got to thinking about the sepia sets.  At first they were unique, something new and novel.  Now, however, to me at least, they are getting a bit old.  On top of that, sepia is, well, kind of boring and oftentimes takes away from a Wacky's "pizzazz."  Seriously, with some Wackys, sepia does far more damage than good.  Along with all of the other traits that make a Wacky a Wacky, color is also a crucial component.  Simply put, Wackys are meant to be colorful.

I can easily see how, once upon a time, somebody at Topps was playing around with scans in a computer and clicked on the "sepia" button in an art program to see what would happen.  And yes, I'm sure it looked different and cool at the time.  But as I mentioned, it has grown somewhat old as of late.  And every single series does not have to be rendered in sepia.

I would suggest playing around with some different buttons, instead.  It would be just as easy.  Why not create a set of "Un-Wackys" by clicking on the "negative" button.  I'm sure it would produce some interesting results.  Or how about "Warhol-in' on Wackys?"  Mini subsets of four identical titles, yet rendered in different color schemes?  Kind of like what Campbell's did a few years back. 

Just a suggestion.



Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #44 on: April 29, 2017, 02:27:40 PM »
Old School possibility...

XXX-Rated Spex or XXX-Ray Spex  (Parody of "X-Ray Spex.")

Package contains a pair of "XXX-Rated Spex," the "lenses" of which feature red spirals.  Above the glasses is a crazed, drooling man gawking at a dancing hippo (or pig) clad in a sheer tutu (similar to Hyacinth Hippo in Disney's "Fantasia") whose torso is illuminated in his yellow field of "x-ray" vision.

- See bones thru blubber!
- See tummies thru tutus!

- Annoying XXX-Rated Vision - Guaranteed!

- The Infamous Painfully Horrifying Illusion



(The drooling man reminds me of a similar sex-crazed man that Norm Saunders painted long ago for a certain "adults only" title.)


« Last Edit: April 30, 2017, 04:00:05 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #45 on: April 29, 2017, 07:11:29 PM »
Old School possibility...

(Ouch! That) Smarts! (Parody of "Jarts" Missile Game.)

Box features family playing with lawn darts.

In the foreground (by the closer ring,) a worried dog is chasing its own hindquarters in a frantic attempt to grab the lawn dart sticking out just above its tail.  Other lawn darts are embedded in the ground around him.  (Perhaps the dog could be a bull terrier with a ring around its eye - like the "Target" dog.)

In the background by the second ring, a wickedly smiling mom is in the process of tossing another lawn dart. Dad is hopping about on one foot while simultaneously holding his other raised foot which has a dart protruding from it.  Comic "stars" of pain emanate from the injury.  And instead of sporting a pig tail and ribbon, little, smiling, oblivious Sally has a red lawn dart protruding from her head.  (Or perhaps two lawn darts - like bunny ears or weird martian antennae.)

The tip of the large lawn dart featured in the center of the box could have a malicious "shark" eye and mouthful of teeth painted on it (similar to the faces painted on bombs and warplanes of yesteryear.)

- Ouch! That Smarts!

- A "Whoops! I Missed!" Game

- An outdoor gamble for the family!




« Last Edit: April 30, 2017, 08:59:32 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #46 on: May 14, 2017, 12:00:14 PM »
Possibility...

"Briars (Black Raspberry Choke-a-Lot) I Scream" (Parody of "Breyers (Black Raspberry Chocolate) Ice Cream.")

Tub features a mound of ice cream enwrapped in raspberries and brambles.  Perched atop the mound is a makeshift, whipped cream "baby" with a maraschino cherry on its head.  Stuck in the mound, as if it were quicksand, a hapless Br'er Rabbit struggles frantically to free himself from the sticky mess, while from behind the mound, Br'er Fox watches on with evident wide-eyed glee.

Raspberries and thorny vines are also intertwined through the "Briars" letters, from which perch a couple of happy bluebirds with musical notes emanating from their open beaks.  Beyond the ice cream mound (as if the mound were a hill,) an anthropomorphic sun smiles down upon the entire scene.  If trees were included, they could also have smiling faces, along with a smiling opossum family hanging upside down by their tails.  Basically, everyone is happy and carefree, save for Br'er Rabbit.

- Along the bottom of the tub is a wavy line of text with tiny musical notes:  "My, oh, my, what a $#@% day!"

- "New Hare-Raising Recipe!"

- "Good Old-Fashioned Satisfactual Favorite of Country Critters (or Varmints)!"*

   * Excluding rabbits!




« Last Edit: May 14, 2017, 05:28:42 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #47 on: May 17, 2017, 07:16:04 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"Krampus's Wooden Pine Scar Soap"  (Parody of "Grandpa's Wonder Pine Tar Soap.")

Box features the horned, half-goat/half-demon Krampus of Alpine origin.  If soap is also featured (either resting at the base of the box or protruding from it,) the bar would be splintered wood.  Not random splinters sticking out here and there, but rather a mass of splinters - as if someone had snapped the wood in half - but not quite.  (The splinters would have to be nasty enough that one would wince if imagining applying the bar to one's hands or face.)

To make the parody more "festive," a sprig of pine needles and cones could also be added, either as part of the package design or resting at the base of the box.  (IMO, contrasting the "innocent" side-by-side with the "wicked," somehow makes the wicked all that much worse.)

- "Splatters White and Red"  (The word "red" could be written in a dripping, crimson (blood) font.)

- "For Misbehaved Children"

- "Gruss vom Krampus!"  ("Greetings from Krampus!")









Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #48 on: May 18, 2017, 06:34:59 PM »
"Wicked Packages" Possibility...

"Pubic Street Soap"  (Parody of "Paper Street Soap."  From the film "Fight Club.")

(Normally I post these ideas for anyone who might be interested.  However, just like film directors who envision a specific actor in a role, I envision Smokin' Joe as the artist for this parody.)

Paper wrapper around soap bar depicts two "angels" pummeling each other from either side of the basin.  Face receiving a blow is exaggeratedly squished in, loose teeth flying through air, etc..

- "Pubic Street Soap Co."

- "Approved by Fight Clubs nationwide."

- "Works great on blood stains!  No lye!"

- "Tyler Foreskin"

And an actual quote:

- "I am Jack's erection's best friend!"

It would be up to Smokin' Joe to somehow work a subliminal phallus into the artwork, however I am more than confidant in his creative and artistic abilities.




« Last Edit: May 20, 2017, 09:39:46 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #49 on: May 20, 2017, 09:37:24 AM »
Christmas possibility...

"Sprites"  (Parody of "Sprite.")

Parody features a green bottle of "Sprites" soft drink. Two dozen or so tiny, winged sprites are depicted on the label, flying round the bottle, escaping from the top of the bottle, and either crouched inside or sitting along the rim of the overturned cap resting at the base of the bottle.  The lemon-lime logo could be a slightly tilted glass ball Christmas tree ornament.

(I wouldn't feature any characters submerged in liquid - such as the case of "Log Cave In" or "Gutterade." In fact, I would suggest that the bottle doesn't contain any liquid at all.  Think rather a jar of fireflies.  The overall "feeling" with this parody is to feature too many sprites for comfort, similar to a swarm of insects, harmless, yet soon inevitably proving bothersome by virtue of their sheer number, like so many gnats.)

- "Christmas-Time Soda"  (Lemon-Lime Soda)

- "Unleash Your Yuletide Spirits!"





(Note: The sprites wouldn't have to necessarily resemble these particular adult sprites. I just happened to like their "Christmas-like" red, green, and gold wings.)

Offline ratchet007

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #50 on: May 20, 2017, 02:43:24 PM »
[quote
(Note: The sprites wouldn't have to necessarily resemble these particular adult sprites. I just happened to like their "Christmas-like" red, green, and gold wings.)
Quote

RIGHT. Let's go with that!

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #51 on: May 20, 2017, 08:18:01 PM »
Subset possibility...

Wacky Packages "Bio-goofies"  (Play on the word "biography.")

A "then and now" set featuring WP characters as they once were - and what they eventually became.

A small set of select "Original Series" cards.  The front of the card features the original WP, save for the traditional copyright information.  Instead, a single year (the copyright year) is represented in a large font centered at the bottom of the card.  The reverse of the card features a rendition of the figure depicted on the front of the card, now older, however, along with a later year represented on the bottom.

For example, "Bum Beans" is the title represented on the front, along with the year it was released, 1974.  The back of the card features the same "bum," though now dressed to the hilt (with a pocket watch chain, etc.) standing in his corporate president's office.  Flanking him on either side are two large, framed pictures on the wall.  The first features a jar of "Bum Beans."  Below it is a green bill and the words, "My first million dollars."  The second picture is a portrait of the dog from the front of the card.  Below the dog's face are the words, "My Faithful Companion."  At the bum/president's feet, though, is a bunch of rollicking, tumbling puppies colored similarly to the dog in the portrait (the implication being that the pups are the dog's great-great grandchildren.) The bum/president could be holding one, while another could be lapping beans from a food bowl on the floor.  (The original dog may have passed away, but its grandchildren remain best friends with its master.)  The date at the bottom of the illustration could be 1994, twenty years later.  In essence, the card depicts a rags-to-riches story.

I would suggest not actually having any written explanation of what transpired over the years, but rather let the illustration itself tell the story using only a bare, minimal number of words.



Additional titles could be:

"Mrs. Klean / 1973" - "Heavy Weight Champion (Rendered as a souvenir photograph keepsake.) / 1980"

"Ajerx /1973" - "45th President of the United States / 2017" (Sporting a reddish/orange comb-over.)

"Run Tony / 1973" - "Boss Tony (Rendered as a framed, family snapshot.) / 2000" (Looking very much like the actor James Gandolfini.)

"Swiss Mess / 1974" - "4H Winner (Rendered as an amateur, off-centered photograph.) / 1977" (Standing alongside prize hog.)

"Delinquent Spinach / 1974" - "Prison Warden (Rendered as a commissioned portrait.) / 2004"  (Balding, yet still sporting sideburns.)

"Pupsi-Cola Dog / 1974" - "Dog - as Artist feverishly drawing. (Rendered as a black and white sketch.) / 2017"  (With a thought balloon coming from dog's head stating,"Posterity shall surely remember me for this particular card."
(Note: Obviously this a reference and homage to Mr. Jay Lynch.)

"Tortarillo Baby / 1975" - "Cowboy (Rendered as an advertisement.) / 1999" (Marlboro Man exhaling "puffs" of cattle, horses, bison, rattlesnakes, cougars, etc.)
(Note: 1999 was the last year the Marlboro Man was featured in advertisements.)

"Copperbone skeleton / 1976" - "Grateful Dead tour poster / 1995" (Dancing, orange skeleton with top hat along with smaller dancing bears.)
(Note: 1995 was the year Jerry Garcia passed away.)
« Last Edit: May 21, 2017, 06:57:46 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #52 on: May 27, 2017, 04:02:09 PM »
24 Hour Possibility...

"Firework Ooo-Ah-Ohs"  (Parody of "Firework Oreos.")

Being this product is current (not to mention limited,) and the 4th of July is a month away, perhaps this (or a like parody) might be considered for inclusion in the 24 Hour cards?

Upper half of package features festive red, white, and blue fireworks in the sky (similar to the original package.)  The lower half of the package depicts a "typical" American family (mom, dad, son, daughter, dog, and/or granny from the waist up) with assorted explosions issuing from their mouths, ears, and/or top of their heads.  They are not distressed, though.  In fact, they are enjoying themselves, saying "Ooo!" "Ah!" and "Oh!"  Perhaps the kids could be holding/waving a small American flag, "Rocket Pop," and/or sparklers.  In the background, an airborne cat is clutching to a red rocket (similar to the red "Acme" rockets in Looney Tunes) that has just been launched into the night sky.

Rather than creamy filling, the Oreo cookie itself could be lined with red, white, and blue striped firecrackers. 

- "Unlimited Explosions in Every Bite!"

- "Ignite Here" (In lieu of the "Lift" tab.)  Along with a (lit, sparkling) fuse protruding from the package.

- "Ur-risk-co" (In lieu of "Nabisco.)

- "With Tooth Popping Candy!"



Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #53 on: May 29, 2017, 06:55:54 PM »
Current (or otherwise) possibility...

"Weyland's Best" Alien Eggs   (Parody of "Egg-land's Best" Eggs.)

Carton features 12 membranous, alien egg pods - as seen through the clear sides, as well as the far right hand side of the top of the carton which, of course, has been burst open.  At this end, a couple of the egg pods have already opened up (or are in the process of opening up.)  A face-hugger could be attached on one corner or the carton / or / a baby, mutant hybrid - half alien, half chicken - that is, a chicken with an alien's head, yet sporting a red comb and wattle (beard) is standing upright inside one of the open pods.

"U.S. Military Approved"

"Cage Free to Run Amuck!"

"Excellent Source of... Internal Parasites!"
"Good Source of... Pure Terror!"

"Run Now!  Stay Alive Longer!"

"All Unnatural"

"Most Distrusted by Space Travelers"

"Contents: One Duzn't Really Wanna Know!"






« Last Edit: May 30, 2017, 04:10:08 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #54 on: May 30, 2017, 07:40:33 PM »
Possibility...

"Charming" Camouflage Bathroom Tissue  (Parody of "Charmin" Ultra Strong Bathroom Tissue.)

Package of bathroom tissue with the rolls printed in brown, tan, and yellow camouflage.  A family of smiling bears is squatting behind low bushes or foliage.  Perhaps the baby bear (head turned to glance behind him) could be saying something to the effect of "Wow!  I can't see a thing!" or "Look, mom!  Invisible poo!"

"Recycled Bathroom Tissue"

"For A Clean You Will Never Notice!"







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #55 on: June 03, 2017, 07:46:40 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"Noel-O Pudding"  (Parody of "Jell-O Pudding.")

"Pine Tree Flavor"

Green box features a glob of green pudding garnished with scraggly, half-dead brown pine needles, as well as itty bitty cones.  (Small hemlock cones, like the kind they sell at craft stores.) 

or...

"Holly Flavor"

Again, green box depicting a glob of green pudding, only this time garnished with red, poisonous berries and half-submerged, sharp, pointy holly leaves.

"Instant Pudding & Christmas Pie Filling"

"For a Limited Time Only!"  "Thank Goodness!"

If "pine tree" flavor, a plump squirrel (tenderly holding its bloated belly in its front paws) could be resting inside the last "O" with its bushy tail hanging down and a strand of green pudding drool dripping from the corner of its mouth.  A second squirrel could be squatting on the pudding - though sunk a bit into it - still stuffing its cheeks.

If "holly flavor," a cardinal could be perched on the bottom of the "O" looking down in alarm as a second cardinal is squawking and beating its wings as it is slowly being sucked into a green viscous mass of pudding "quicksand." 



Offline Brian Mc

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #56 on: June 04, 2017, 03:24:39 PM »

"Weyland's Best" Alien Eggs



 As an ALIEN aficionado, I like this idea  :great:

Here's my feeble addition:

"Cooking Directions: Nuke 'em from orbit... it's the only way to be sure"



Brian Mc

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #57 on: June 04, 2017, 05:19:35 PM »
As an ALIEN aficionado, I like this idea  :great:

Here's my feeble addition:

"Cooking Directions: Nuke 'em from orbit... it's the only way to be sure"

Good addition!  I am also a big fan of the alien franchise.  Didn't see "Covenant" (too tied up with end-of-the-school-year nonsense,) but hope it's still playing two weeks from now.

Offline Brian Mc

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #58 on: June 04, 2017, 08:17:13 PM »

"U.S. Military Approved"

"Most Distrusted by Space Travelers"


If I may, I think these two should be:

Colonial Marine approved

Distrusted by space jockeys

I'm not a gag writer, but I feel there's​probably a joke about:

- Newt wt
Brian Mc

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #59 on: June 06, 2017, 07:38:53 PM »
If I may, I think these two should be:

Colonial Marine approved

Distrusted by space jockeys

I'm not a gag writer, but I feel there's​probably a joke about:

- Newt wt

Like these, too, Brian.  Especially "space jockeys!"  (A memorable, albeit somewhat disturbing, film image that one just doesn't shake off!)

I liked "Newt WT." It fits perfectly.  But then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute.  They don't put the weight on a carton of eggs, only contents, right?  I mean, how can they list an exact weight on eggs?  Doesn't the weight vary between, say, two large eggs?  They can't be exactly the same."  But then I went back and looked and, lo and behold, sure enough the weight is listed (which I still find suspiciously strange.)

So, very good!  "Newt WT" works, too.  Great taglines!

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #60 on: June 11, 2017, 11:19:07 AM »
Possibility...

"Lost Cabin" Throw Up  (Parody of "Log Cabin" Syrup.)

The focus of this parody isn't necessarily on any one horror movie in particular, but rather a homage to those films featuring lost, isolated cabins in the woods.  ("Evil Dead 2," "Cabin Fever," "The Cabin in the Woods," etc.)

The syrup bottle will retain its basic "cabin" shape.  The cabin, itself, though, will be aged and dilapidated:  Weathered timbers covered in moss and lichen, crumbling stone chimney, etc..  The label is also aged, torn, and peeling, and affixed to a door constructed of rotted and splintered planks.  (The door is more or less rectangular, but the label on it is oval.)  From behind the door - which is sagging and ajar - an assemblage of creatures/monsters grope, push, and surge forward, intent on escaping and wreaking havoc.  Similarly, various creatures can be seen lurking partially behind the cabin, climbing out of the chimney, and peering out from primitive, ramshackle door steps (which would have to be added.)  Oozing, drooling strands of sticky brownish-amber syrup/vomit could also be added to the various creatures.

Thanks, in large part, to "The Cabin in the Woods," the creatures/monsters could be virtually anything: Mutants, the living dead, puritanical madmen, smoke-like wraiths, corpse brides, anthropomorphic trees, clowns, demons, etc..

"A Copycat Tradition Since the 80s" 

"Unoriginal Throw Up" that you've experienced a hundred times before!

If the yellow strip on the original product was included, perhaps it could state "Condemned" or "Crime Scene - Do Not Cross."






« Last Edit: June 12, 2017, 04:09:20 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #61 on: June 16, 2017, 05:58:40 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"Comet's" Enchanted Colon Cleanser (Parody of "Comet" Cleanser.)

Festive green and red can features "Comet" the reindeer "flying" (with outstretched legs) through the starry, green sky (just above the words "Scratch Free" and following the same arc.)  The sky is glowing green from the shimmering curtain of an aurora borealis.  Comet is very light and buoyant, a smiling expression of pure, innocent bliss on his face as he soars effortlessly though the air.  He is, simply, one happy reindeer.  (Perhaps one or two other, much smaller reindeer are also zipping back and forth in the background across the sky like shooting stars.)  On the lower portion of the can, a gentle, smooth hill is silhouetted against the green sky.  The silhouette of an outhouse stands at one side (with a crescent moon in the door,) and silhouetted reindeer are lined up outside.  Perhaps the outhouse could even have a crooked stove-pipe chimney with a a few tendrils of "smoke" drifting out.

"Crap Free!  (Instead of "Scratch Free.")

"Disintegrates Tough Reindeer Stool"

"Helps to Diminish Even the Heaviest Load!"

"New Fresh Scent! - Bowels of Holly" (Along with a sprig of holly leaves.)



While envisioning this parody, I picture happy, youthful, cute reindeer similar to the ones featured on vintage greeting cards.  (I suppose it's just the Old School in me.)







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #62 on: June 16, 2017, 06:57:30 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"A Christmas Purgatory" (Parody of "A Christmas Story.")

DVD case features a crazed, grinning "Ralphie" in a pink hood with bunny ears which resemble twisted, curled devil horns. (Although the bunny outfit is pink, the ears morph into red.)  A pair of glasses rests askew on his face.  One lens is cracked (the result of copper bbs still lodged in the glass.  (The individual glass pieces might also offer the opportunity to feature Ralphie with multiple eyes on one side.)  Other background illustrations could include two, snarling rottweilers fighting over (playing tug-of-war) with a leg (covered in fishnet stocking.) Or dad could be holding and licking the leg lamp with outstretched tongue (reminiscent of the frozen tongue scene.)  An angry, "over-the-top" Santa, elf helper, and singing Chinese restaurant owner loom monster-like just behind Ralphie.  Perhaps one could be brandishing a bar of red soap (and/or a Red Ryder bb rifle.)

"24/7 Loop Enables Continuous Play... Forever and Ever and Ever."






« Last Edit: June 17, 2017, 03:47:27 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #63 on: June 17, 2017, 04:41:00 PM »
Christmas possibility...

"Coca-Coala"  (Parody of "Coca-Cola.")

Left hand side of the red can features a plump, jovial Santa (as they traditionally always do) facing right, lobbing a handful of sparkling black pieces of coal into the air.  A bulging sack - open at the top, exposing coal - rests at his feet.  (Perhaps instead of saying, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa is tilting his head back, laughing, "Ha! Ha! Ha!")  On the right hand side of the can facing Santa, a cute polar bear cub sits in the snow surrounded by pieces (or small piles) of coal.  It holds a black chunk between its fuzzy paws.  Its mouth is open in an exaggerated cry of disappointment and anguish, and "comic" tears are streaming into the air out of his eyes.  Behind him, rearing upright, Mama polar bear is glaring at Santa with a savage expression, arms raised and claws bared for imminent attack.

I don't believe any tagline is needed, as the picture would tell the entire story.






« Last Edit: June 19, 2017, 01:47:31 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #64 on: June 17, 2017, 05:34:49 PM »
Possibility...

"Twilight Zone Insani-Tea"  (Parody of "Arizona Iced Tea.")

or "Twilight Zone Alternate Reali-Tea"

Although a parody of Arizona Iced Tea, the can is also a homage to Rod Serling's "Twilight Zone." 

Can features Rod Serling in foreground (complete with his "quirky" smile and set jaw.)  Behind him is an "infinite plain" stretching into the distance.  Above the line of the horizon is a starry, black sky containing various surreal levitating objects: a door, clock, eyeball, "E=MC2" equation, as well as other goofier objects, such as a rubber duck, penguin, toothbrush, wedge of cheese, etc..  (I don't know if it could be done, however it would be cool if the entire parody was rendered in black and white.  Not like a sketch, but rather like black and white television.  In order to achieve all of the subtle "grays," perhaps it would have to be rendered in color first, then converted?)

"A tea not only out of sight and taste, but out of mind."

"with Gremlins"






« Last Edit: July 02, 2017, 08:03:26 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #65 on: June 18, 2017, 06:04:16 PM »
Possibility...

"Fuji" Water (Parody of "Fiji" Water.)

The upper, tapering part of the front of the bottle features a small illustration of Mt. Fuji.  Snow is laying on the "shoulders" of the bottle, as well as the cap.  From about halfway down, rocks are featured on either side, eventually becoming all rocks by the time the bottom of the bottle is reached.  At this point, the rocks surround a small, steaming pool or hot spring (which actually juts out from the front of the bottom of the bottle in much the same way a basin juts out of the base of a wall fountain.)  Inside this steaming pool (and perhaps resting on the edges) are snow-covered macaques in various poses: Picking things off of each other, operating a phone, etc..  (See illustrations below.)  If a flower blossom is necessary, I would substitute a cherry blossom.

"From the Mountain of FUJI Natural Macaque Bath Water"

"No Warm Spots In Our Pool!  It's All Warm!"














Example of how the pool could extend away from the bottle:


« Last Edit: June 21, 2017, 04:28:23 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #66 on: June 18, 2017, 07:17:29 PM »
Possibility...

"McPain Croco-Smiles"  (Parody of "McCain Smiles.")

Upper portion of bag (yellowish section) features scraggly swamp trees draped with Spanish moss.  Birds of prey (or scavenger vultures) could be circling in the sky.  Lower portion of bag (blue section) features a pit of crocodiles (mostly submerged in murky water, so just their heads are showing) munching on mouthfuls of worried, screaming, horrified potato "smiles."  Some of the "smiles" eye sockets could be caught (or impaled) on the crocodiles' teeth.  Perhaps another grinning crocodile could be wearing a pair of "smiles" as eyeglasses.  (Note: All of the crocodiles are grinning and pleased as punch, however.) Perhaps an Egyptian plover could also be included inside a croc's mouth, also pecking at a "smiley."

"Mashed, Gnashed, and Trashed Potato Shapes"

Check mark - "No Chance of Escape!"

Check mark - "Seasoned with Crocodile Tears!"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Time to Prey!"

"They'd Love to Have YOU for Dinner!"







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #67 on: June 20, 2017, 07:44:56 PM »
Old School possibility...

"Drunken Head" Highball Gulper  (Parody of "Shrunken Head" Apple Sculpture.)

Box features "mad scientist" Vincent Price holding a shrunken head of Dean Martin (by a thick strand of hair or, possibly, a stem protruding from the head - similar to a maraschino cherry stem.)  Near the bottom of the front of the box is a workbench (lab table/counter/bar top) loaded with various glasses - martini, wine, highball, snifter, etc. - filled with different color concoctions, as well as various liquor bottles.  (The overall effect is one of a mad scientist's workbench, however, instead of beakers, test tubes, etc., everything is alcohol related.)  Vincent Price is in the process of dipping the Dean Martin head into one of the liquor-filled glasses.  Other heads - surrounded by comic, popping champagne bubbles - could include Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr..  (Additional "lovable drunks" heads could also be fermenting inside the bottles - like specimens in formaldehyde.  W.C. Fields, Betty Ford, etc..)

"A Binge for the Rat Pack Family"

"Includes 'The Drinker.'  Attaches To Any Standard Lampshade."

"Create Your own Collection of Famous Pickled Boozers!"



Note: The mad scientist's littered workbench would look more or less like the tabletop below.





Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #68 on: June 28, 2017, 07:31:59 AM »
Possibility...

"Lost Hidden Valley" Cross Dressing  (Parody of "Hidden Valley" Dressing.)

Bottle label features lush, green tropical valley extending into a mountainous horizon.  (Envision a spacious "Jurassic Park" scene.)  One of the mountains could be a smoking and/or erupting volcano.

Far in the valley can be seen a small herd of sauropods with frilly bonnets tied to their heads.  In the right foreground, a tyrannosaur wears an ill-fitting blonde wig (perhaps with a flower in it,) eye shadow, eyeliner, lipstick, and feather boa.  (Due to its height, the tyrannosaur's head partially eclipses the wording on the label.)  To the left stands a smaller velociraptor, again with a wig (this time, redhead) and garish, overly applied make up, as well as a necklace, multiple bracelets, and smooth satin gown.  Standing at the base of the bottle in front of the raptor, is a transvestite compsognathus (one of the small itty-bitty dinosaurs seen in JP) with a tiny brunette wig, rings on its fingers, anklet, and a sheer tutu.  This dinosaur is not part of the label, though, but actually standing in front of the bottle.  All of the foreground dinosaurs are smiling, "looking directly at the camera," and engaged in over exaggerated posing.  Oh, and all of their claws have nail polish.

On the neck of the bottle, a small facial portrait of a "fairy princess" triceratops could be substituted for the "Hidden Valley" logo (being the same words are repeated even larger on the label below.)

Flavor:  "Glamour" Cross Dressing








« Last Edit: June 28, 2017, 02:36:24 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 491
Re: Baked Bear's "Wordy" Ideas
« Reply #69 on: June 30, 2017, 11:28:43 AM »
Subset (or Bundle) possibility...

9 Card Set Based on a Fairy Tale / Nursery Rhyme Theme


1) "Red Riding Hood's Buzz Off" Wolf Repellent"  (Parody of "Off" Insect Repellent.)

Can depicts Little Red "macing" the Wolf (dressed in frilly night clothes) with aerosol spray.  Her basket is loaded with additional aerosol cans; She has come well prepared.  In the background, obviously, is a dark forest (with possibly anthropomorphic trees and a path leading to Grandmother's distant cottage.)

"Dark Woods"

"Long Lasting Protection from Loopy Lupines, Wacky Wolves, and Other Cross-Dressed Canines"






2)  "Rumplestiltskin's Big Book of 1,000,000+ Baby Names"  (Parody of "100,000+ Baby Names" and "Big Book of Baby Names.")

Book cover features harried Rumplestiltskin (with gnome hat) surrounded by a horde of diapered babies, each bothering him in some way or another:  bawling, climbing on him, holding up a soggy, dripping diaper, etc..  (Note: Being naked, the last baby's butt could be hidden by another baby in the foreground.

On the lower left hand side of the cover is the following list:

"Includes these popular names!
   - Billy Bob
   - Yoga
   - Popeye
   - Pepsi
   - Hippo
   - Jermajesty
   - Mowgli
   - Burger
   - Ikea
   - Mango
   - Skinhead
   - Rambo, etc."

(Yes, people have actually given their children these names.)

Or...

  "- Norman
   - Dave
   - Jay
   - Bhob
   - Neil
   - Joe
   - Chad
   - Matthew
   - Zina
   - George
   - Fred
   - Brent
   - Mark, etc."






3)  "Old Mother Hubbard's Quilt-Bone"  (Parody of "Milk-Bone".)

Box features Old Mother Hubbard in a rocking chair knitting a bone-shaped dog biscuit.  In the background are empty cabinets with their doors ajar.  At her feet is an anxious, smiling skeleton dog sitting up and begging.  (Not "skeletal," but an actual skeleton.)  The "bone" logo at the top of the box could also be knitted in different colored yarn (like a quilt.)

"Cleans and Flosses Teeth and Ribs!"

"Zero Calories - No Bones About it!"

"Lean" (Instead of "Large.")








4)  Puss in Boots' Pee-Wee" Boot Polish  (Parody of "Kiwi" Shoe Polish.)

Tin features head of Puss in Boots (wearing a feathered hat) and possibly a separate pair of "sparkling" black boots.

"For Small Cats with Big Attitudes"






5)  "Jack and Jill's Polecat Springs" Municipal Well Water  (Parody of "Poland Springs" Water.)

Bottle depicts smiling Jack and Jill proudly holding a bucket of sloshing, murky water together.  Behind them in the background, bare, gnarled trees taper and converge on a "castle-like" factory complex.  The stream itself could be any number of colors (such as the Nashua River, several decades ago,) with various pieces of filth and garbage floating in it.  A skunk is bathing in the stream, washing an underarm with a bath brush.  Another skunk is poking its head up from the children's bucket.

"Bottled Somewhere Near a Magical Kingdom"






6) "Little Mermaid's Gruesome Flounder Fillets"  (Parody of "Gorton's Flounder Fillets.")

Left hand side of box features the Little Mermaid sitting on a rock, wickedly smiling, and firmly holding a nasty-looking trident upright.  Center and right hand side of box features a dead flounder garnished with beautiful, colorful coral and seashells.  Partially hidden behind, yet peeking up from behind one of these sea formations is a shocked, dismayed, and horrified orange lobster.  (The overall appearance is one of an underwater enchanted kingdom, save for the dead flounder with "X"s in its eyes.)

"Sea-soned with Lemon."








7)  "Jack's Worst Magical Baked Beans" (Parody of Bush's Best Original Baked Beans.")

Out-of-control, sinuous, beanstalk vine tendrils (perhaps carnivorous, with heads, like a hydra) have punched through the sides and top of the can and are in the process of entangling a helpless, frantic, and struggling Jack.  In the vines above Jack is a squawking, terrified goose flapping its wings.  Being "scared shitless," as it were, it is laying a succession of golden eggs, one of which has just bonked Jack on the head (similar to the "Grime" dog  Or, for that matter, also include the "Grime" dog down on the ground below, also getting bonked on the head with a golden egg.)  Other eggs are in the process of falling, and some have landed among the beans in the pot below.  Outside of the can is a happy cow quietly grazing, ignoring the scene unfolding around it.  A golden harp stands by the cow's legs, calmly playing itself.












The Wicked Witch's "Off-Her-Rocker" Gingerbread Half-Baked Kiddie Mix  (Parody of "Betty Crocker" Gingerbread Cookie Mix.)

Bag features upper half of an ugly Wicked Witch in the process of happily applying decorative icing (or gumdrops) to a two-headed gingerbread boy on a small cooling rack.  One of his two mouths (closer to the witch) is frowning. The second head is slightly peeled up off the the rack and looking at the first head, its mouth shaped in a distressed "O."  Perhaps in the background, other mutant cookies could be displayed: A cyclopic girl with a pink dress, a "pushmi-pullyu" dog, etc.. 

"Now Fortified with Extra DNA!"

"Part of a Whole Pain Diet!"







9)  Evil Stepmother's "Scarily" Poisoned Apple Pie  (Parody of "Sara Lee" Apple Pie.)

Box depicts portrait of Evil Stepmother, smiling icily with thin, arched eyebrows, pulled up hair (Marie Antoinette/Lady Tremaine style,) and a gleam of malice in her eyes.  Below is an apple pie, normal looking, save for the "rotted spot" which is discolored and has "Wormy Packages" worms protruding from it.  Other red (and similarly discolored) apples are also featured, as well as a small skull-and-crossbones bottle.  In and around all of this are various, cute woodland creatures - chipmunks, bunnies, squirrels - all in a state of "zzzzzz" slumber.  A songbird hangs upside down (like a bat) from the "Scarily" letters, also sleeping.

"Poisoned for Princesses!" (The word "Poisoned" has been crossed out, and the word "Portioned" scrawled above it.)

"Untraceable" (Instead of "microwavable.")








Other possibilities might also include:

- Three Billy Goat Gruff's Turf Builder
- Tin Man's All Purpose Bedroom, I mean, Household Lubricating Oil
- Hansel and Gretel's Bread Crumbs
- Three Bear's Surveillance Camera
- Rapunzel's Hair Conditioner
- Humpty Dumpty's Scrambled Eggs
- Four and Twenty Blackbirds Feather Pie
- Big Bad Wolf's Canned Ham
- Etc.

Yes, I realize the whole fairy tale / nursery rhyme concept might at first sound silly and childish, but think about.  First, WP are (ostensibly) for children, ages 8 -10. Secondly, nearly everybody is familiar with fairy tales.  (One would be hard-pressed to find somebody that isn't.) Beginning with the "Shrek" franchise and continuing into the present day with Disney's "Beauty and the Beast," fairy tales have risen into prominence and popular culture more so than ever before.  If the "Happily N'ever After" movies, "Fairy Tale High" dolls, "Ever After High" book series, "Huntsman" movies, "The Sisters Grimm" book series, "Once Upon a Time" television series, and the latest Disney live-action movie rehashes (to name just a few of the fairy tale franchises) can cash in on fairy tales (and the millions of dollars to be made,) there is no reason why Topps can't join the party, too.

Besides, we've already been down this very same road with MLB "Giants Magic Beans," "Hersheep," and another title (which escapes me for the moment) that made reference to the Billy Goats Gruff.

Lastly, I personally would rather see a set of fairy tale titles based on honest-to-goodness products, rather than most of the generic titles we've been subjected to during the past, both recent and not-so-distant.


« Last Edit: July 01, 2017, 03:36:21 PM by Baked Bears »