Author Topic: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages  (Read 7938 times)

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Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #175 on: September 16, 2017, 12:35:06 PM »
Possibility...

"Manila's" Meddling Shells (Parody of "Barilla" Medium Shells.)

Box features cellophane "window" with assorted colorful seashells behind it.  On the front of the box, a happy woman is raising a forkful of tropical seashells to her waiting mouth.  Strands of seaweed "drip" from the shells, and a hermit crab is hanging upside down with its claws from the tines or handle of the fork.  Inside the woman's open mouth are a few other shells, including a small nautilus whose tentacles are drooping out past her lower front teeth.  Some of the teeth have small chips missing (an unfortunate side effect of crunching on hard seashells.)  An "escaped" sea snail is slowly making its way up the side of the box.

"The Philippines' #1 Brand of Crustaceans"

"Guaranteed Imperfect Teeth in 8-9 Seconds"








« Last Edit: September 16, 2017, 03:32:34 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #176 on: September 16, 2017, 04:12:40 PM »
Possibility...

"Scotch's" Whisky Strips  (Parody of "Scotch" Magic Tape.)

Right side of box features a tipsy Scotty dog (wearing a kilt) holding a shot glass of scotch whisky.  The left side of the box has been opened from which we see a roll of amber colored tape protruding.  The end of the tape curls slightly outward from which small globules of whisky are dripping (into a pool of whisky at the base of the box.)  In the upper right corner is the flag of Scotland, along with the words, "Made in Scotland."

"36 YD (1296 Strips)"

"Aged 12 Years"

"100 Proof"

'EZ Dispenser" (Printed on side of box.)

"Roll-Ups for Irresponsible Adults"







Note:  When I Google imaged "Scotty dog wearing a kilt," I expected to find cartoon clip art.  Surprise, surprise!  The things that people will put their poor pets through!
« Last Edit: September 16, 2017, 04:16:04 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #177 on: September 16, 2017, 04:38:53 PM »
Possibility...

"Rose D'Art" Throwing Crayons  (Parody of "Rose Art" Crayons.)

Box features row of crayons with steel, pointy dart tips.  On the lower left side of the box, two or three small children are happily playing darts, tossing them at a picture tacked to a wall (or easel) on the right hand side.  The picture is a reproduction of the "Mona Lisa," only crudely rendered in crayon.  Various dart-crayons are stuck in her smile, between her eyes, etc..

"ADHD Approved" (Instead of "MEGA.")

"20% Less Lethal than Other Leading Brands!"

"Great for Home!  School!  Pep Rallies!  (Corner Bars!)"


« Last Edit: September 17, 2017, 12:55:54 PM by Baked Bears »

Online mikecho

  • Posts: 607
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #178 on: September 16, 2017, 05:42:42 PM »
Possibility...

"Scotch's" Whisky Strips  (Parody of "Scotch" Magic Tape.)

Right side of box features a tipsy Scotty dog (wearing a kilt) holding a shot glass of scotch whisky.  The left side of the box has been opened from which we see a roll of amber colored tape protruding.  The end of the tape curls slightly outward from which small globules of whisky are dripping (into a pool of whisky at the base of the box.)  In the upper right corner is the flag of Scotland, along with the words, "Made in Scotland."

"36 YD (1296 Strips)"

"Aged 12 Years"

"100 Proof"

'EZ Dispenser" (Printed on side of box.)

"Roll-Ups for Irresponsible Adults"







Note:  When I Google imaged "Scotty dog wearing a kilt," I expected to find cartoon clip art.  Surprise, surprise!  The things that people will put their poor pets through!

ANS6 beat you to it again! It was called Scorch Demonic Tape.

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #179 on: September 16, 2017, 06:26:45 PM »
ANS6 beat you to it again! It was called Scorch Demonic Tape.

Actually, I was aware (this time.)  There was also "Botch" and "Screech."







As well as the X-Pack "Screech."

These are all, however, in plastic dispensers which is why I intentionally choose the replacement pack roll for use in the big, heavy desktop dispensers.  Notice that it is the thick 3/4 inch "good" tape, not the chintzy narrow stuff (that is always tearing at sharp angles and getting hopelessly stuck to the rest of the roll) in the chintzy plastic dispensers (that never cut it right, causing you to pull off a foot at a time) used for wrapping chintzy Christmas gifts (that people smile politely at while they're simultaneously inwardly cursing you.)  That, and I knew you were monitoring my latest parody idea from across the street on the computer in my neighbor's house, so I was forced to stay on my toes this time around!

Like I said, I try to use original, never-parodied-before products - if I can.  And hey, besides, if everybody did that, half of the ANS wouldn't even exist!  You gotta admit, I have a valid point, here.

Later on in the week (hopefully) or the following week, I am going to run with a 9 card subset idea inspired by Smokin' Joe.  Most of the products have been parodied before, however I'm going to add a "thematic twist."  So...  Forewarned is forearmed.

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #180 on: September 16, 2017, 06:57:31 PM »
"Old School" Possibility (Created especially for Mikecho) ...

"Gorgon's Instant Concrete"  (Parody of "Borden's Instant Coffee.")

Jar features Elsie the Cow.  Rather than a flower, however, her head is wreathed by a mass of tiny, writhing snakes.  The contents of the jar are a grayish-white powder, rather than brown.  On the lower left, a coffee drinker has become petrified into a statue while lifting his cup to his lips.

"One Look Turns You to Stone - Forever"

"Made by The Gorgon Co. / Mt. Olympus"






« Last Edit: September 18, 2017, 03:58:33 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #181 on: September 16, 2017, 07:05:57 PM »
All kidding aside, maybe Smokin' Joe could run with the Elsie the Cow / Medusa idea for a "Creepy Container" - a demonic, horned cow with snakes coming out of her head? 

"Gorgon's Sweetened Snake Milk"



Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #182 on: September 19, 2017, 03:37:31 PM »
"Old School" (or modern-day) possibility...

"Aquatic Net" Scale Spray  (Parody of "Aqua Net" Hairspray.)

Old (or new) can features the Creature from the Black Lagoon on the lower right.  The creature sports a head of kelp-like hair which is luxuriantly streaming (similar to Botticelli's Venus) out to the left.  Various sea creatures caught in the background net - a moray eel, seahorse, etc. - are oogling and admiring the Creature's new hairdo.

"Super-Sheen"

"All Water"

"Pro-fish-ional Scale Spray"









Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #183 on: September 19, 2017, 07:10:15 PM »
Possibility...

"Bogus Diamond Nothin's" (Parody of "Blue Diamond Nut-Thins.")

Box features pair of forlorn squirrels facing toward one another (one on either side of the box,) each holding large, transparent "glass-like" crackers in their paws.  Both squirrels are sobbing profusely as tears shower everywhere.

"Almost" (Instead of "Almond.")

"Invisible Snacking! / Smart Fasting!"

"Au Naturel"

"Gluten, Grain, & Nut Free"

"Hint of a Hint of Sea Salt"

"Nuthin' to Write Home About / Cracker Snacks"




« Last Edit: September 24, 2017, 07:43:22 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #184 on: September 20, 2017, 07:22:19 PM »
Possibility...

"Prehistoric" La Brea Mammoth Cheese (Parody of "President" Brie Cheese.)

Lower half of canister top features a bubbling, black prehistoric tar pit.  A mammoth is half-submerged in the sludge.  It proudly holds a large wedge of cheese in its "hand," presenting it in the foreground to the viewer.  Although the cheese is yellowish-white, globs of black tar are dripping from it.  Golden ferns take the place of the gold laurels.

"California's Exhumed (or Paleolithic) Cuisine Expert"

"Aged 10,000 Years"

"Made with Genuine Mammoth Milk!"







Offline Zenergizer

  • Posts: 647
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #185 on: September 21, 2017, 10:49:56 AM »
Great, clever ideas! 

Some of the original products are a bit vague, but that's probably
me, I just don't do a lot of grocery shopping these days, or if I
do, I just generally wander the aisles looking for ideas (true story).

I still love the idea of "Degenerate" pizza for DiGiorno, although I
would have a "Degenerate"-type person on the front.  Made in Skid Row,
things like that.

Maybe it could have been "Deplorable" Pizza during the Trumpocracy
releases?  >:D

Keep up comin'!

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #186 on: September 21, 2017, 06:37:33 PM »
Thanks, Zenergizer.

The skid row "Degenerate" would work nicely - it hearkens back to an original series "feel," if you know what I mean.  "BUM Beans," for example.   Just out of curiosity, however, what would you do about the "rising crust" part?  I keep thinking about something like "anti-upper crust."  (I don't know about you, but when I become fixated on an idea, I focus on one detail in particular to weave a web around.  In this case, it was the "rising crust.") 

"Deplorable" would have worked well, too.  Trump's face as the pizza, itself, perhaps, the different features rendered as various toppings, kind of like an old Giuseppe Arcimboldo painting (only more comically rendered):



While I'm looking at them, a few more by the same artist:





(Kind of "Pirates of the Caribbean"ish.)



(I just fell in love with this last one.  Very creepy.  Disturbing, almost.  I'd love to make this into a life-size sculpture and have it sitting on a rocker on my front porch at Halloween!)

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #187 on: September 22, 2017, 05:32:59 PM »
Possibility...

"Lucky Sharks" Cereal  (Parody of "Lucky Charms" Cereal.)

Box features a nervous, frantic leprechaun hanging from the "Lucky Charms" (or in this case, "Lucky Sharks") lettering with only one arm and holding on all his might.  Below him, a frenzy of mean, ravenous sharks are splashing and leaping out of the cereal bowl trying to get at him.  The leprechaun is missing one green buckled shoe - which happens to be in the mouth of one of the sharks.  Various organs - all rendered as simple, soft marshmallows (as opposed to realistic organs) - are sprinkled along the rainbow, as well as throughout the cereal: a pink heart (same as what's on the box,) a white bone, etc..

"Generally Mean"

"They're Savagely Malicious!"









- or -

"Old School" possibility...

"Unlucky Chumps" Cereal (Parody of "Lucky Charms" Cereal.)

1970s box features the face and arm of Clint Eastwood as "Dirty" Harry Callahan (on right hand side, in place of the leprechaun.)  He is gritting his teeth and pointing the barrel of an exageratedly large .44 Magnum directly at the worried leprechaun who is trapped waist-deep in the cereal bowl (lower left side) and backed up against the far rim, having nowhere else to go.  The marshmallows are all bullets rendered in pastels.  The "stars" above "Luck Charms" are bullet holes in the box.  In the lower right corner, are the words "Free Prize Inside!" followed by three question marks centered directly below - "? ? ?" - inside a circular starburst design.

"Maybe there's a prize inside and maybe there isn't.  But first you’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?"

"Generally Mean"

"They're Maniacally Vicious!"







(Note:  Although Topps has featured a vast assortment of weapons throughout the years - from brass knuckles to nuclear bombs - I kind of get the feeling they would frown upon a leprechaun staring down the barrel of a Magnum.  Oh, well...)
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 01:47:06 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #188 on: September 23, 2017, 07:53:54 AM »
Possibility...

"Country Croc" Spread (Parody of "Country Crock" Spread.)

Left side of tub features a crocodile (from the waist up.)  The croc is wearing blue overalls and a straw hat.  It holds a cane fishing pole in one hand with a small three-eyed sunfish dangling from the line (similar to those seen on "The Simpsons,") and is also leisurely chewing on a long length of straw protruding from its teeth.  In the background is a barn alongside a small pond or "water hole" from which another croc is idly fishing from the bank.  The pond is glowing, toxic green (like the color of antifreeze.)  In fact, the entire scene has the same strange, surreal, yellowish-greenish glow about it (similar to what's already on the package, that is, green that is a little "too green.")  In the far, distant background behind the farm, we can see two or three nuclear reactor cooling towers.  The rising steam from the towers "morphs" into fluffy clouds.  The tub's lid is partially peeled open (on the right) from which the tail of a sunfish is dangling out.

"Dread's Spread"

"Sunny Fish Taste"

"Rank Taste from Radioactive Ingredients"

"99% Fish Oil / 1% Plutonium Spread"

"Irrational" (Flavor)







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #189 on: September 23, 2017, 06:59:58 PM »
Possibility...

"Dixie" Corn Mash Muffin Mix  (Parody of "Jiffy" Corn Muffin Mix.)

Left side of box features a "redneck" long-bearded raccoon (standing in the foreground) wearing blue denim overalls and a "Snuffy Smith" type hat.  In his paw is a dented tin cup.  Behind him are two corn muffins, with similarly attired raccoons with tin cups sitting on top of them.  A beat up banjo rests against the side of one of the muffins, and an old rifle lays across the lap of one of the sitting raccoons.  All of the raccoons are looking directly at the viewer in a taciturn, even dour, way.  Behind the muffins is a large jug labeled "XXX."  In the upper background, wispy clouds are parting to reveal a full moon shining down upon the nocturnal scene.

"Appalachian's Favorite"

"Good Ol' Southern Quality since 1870"

"150 Proof"











Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #190 on: September 24, 2017, 06:08:15 PM »
"Wicked Packages" possibility...

(Or maybe an "ANS" possibility?  One just never knows with Topps these days.)

"Thrillsbury Buttfetti" Frosting  (Parody of "Pillsbury Funfetti" Frosting.)

Tub features the Pillsbury Doughboy facing left.  He face is contorted in a strained grimace as an explosion of rainbow colored sprinkles sprays from his outstretched rear end.

"Fartificially Flavored"

"Make Your Next Birthday Party A Blast!"


« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 07:12:40 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #191 on: September 25, 2017, 07:11:17 PM »
Possibility...

"Crabber Girl" Invading Prowler (Parody of "Clabber Girl" Baking Powder.)

Can features old-time, black-and-white illustration of a young girl or, more to the point, creature.  Her eyeballs are on stalks, and she is raising and waving crab-like arms ending in menacing claws.  (Other than that, she is completely normal.) In the background, the domestic tranquility is disturbed as the mother, young children, cat, and even the toy horse scream in pure terror as the creature advances upon them.

"Double Trouble"

"Atlantis's Leading Brat"


« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 07:44:24 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #192 on: September 26, 2017, 06:38:45 PM »
Possibility...

"Bubble Burger" (Parody of "Bubba Burger.")

Box features the head of a moronic cow blowing a pink bubble in upper right corner.  A hamburger in a bun is featured on the lower left side.  Instead of a beef patty, however, the bun holds a large pink wad of chewing gum (with cheese.)

"Made From U.S.D.U.H. Choice Beef Upchuck"

"Frozen Cud"

"Chew 'Em Over and Over and Over Again!"





Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #193 on: September 26, 2017, 07:17:16 PM »
Possibility...

"Michelin Man's" Tire Filling  (Parody of "Musselman's" Pie Filling.)

Right side of can features a nauseous Michelin Man.  One footing is resting on top of a large slab of cherry pie.  In his hand he holds a partially eaten smaller slab of pie.  Having made a complete pig of himself, messy red stains surround his mouth, and cherry pie filling is dribbling down the rolls of his body.  His other hand rests upon and supports his bloated stomach.

"Cherry Tire Filling"

Elsewhere on the can is a blurb in a starburst: "Buy 12 Cans / Get 1 Free Spare Tire!"




« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 10:52:06 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #194 on: September 27, 2017, 08:24:33 PM »
Possibility...

"Stonefields" (or Bonyfields) Grave Yard Dirt  (Parody of "Stonyfield" Yogurt.)

Tub features pleasant, green grass covered field with various style old, weathered gravestones that are chipped and cracked.  (Several have fallen slightly askew.)  Front and center, a gopher (standing inside a mound of dirt beside one gravestone) is holding a similar, smaller tub of yogurt in one paw and a spoon in the other.  A few small bones are protruding from the top of the gopher's yogurt container.  A few strawberry vines are clustered around the bases of some of the gravestones.

"Once Organic" (Or "Organic Remains.")

"Can't Stay Buried"  (Flavor)

"Very Low Fat"

"Harvested by Gophers in the U.S.A."

"Smooth and Muddy"






« Last Edit: October 01, 2017, 07:15:27 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #195 on: September 28, 2017, 05:44:49 PM »
Possibility...

"Come To Eat Ya!" Tomato Plague (Parody of "Contadina" Tomato Paste.)

Lower half of can features one or two plump, green tomato hornworms crawling across tomatoes and half-eaten leaves.  Rearing its ugly head above the rectangular frame of "Contadina," (or in this case, "Come To Eat Ya!") is a third caterpillar.  The "Contadina" woman's head, arms, and upper torso are hanging out of its mouth as it attempts to swallow her whole.  Obviously she is distraught, and her basket and tomatoes are falling through the air.

"Rotten, Vile Tomato Worms"







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #196 on: September 29, 2017, 05:44:57 PM »
Possibility...

"Selless" (or perhaps "Senseless") Pizza for None  (Parody of "Celeste" Pizza for One.)

Box features a thick, round piece of stained corrugated cardboard - but no actual pizza.  Perched on the "platform" are a half dozen or so mice gathering food in their paws and loading miniature bulging sacks with pieces of peppers, mushrooms, olives, globs of cheese, etc..  A few other mice are poking their heads out of holes chewed in the cardboard, looking about for scraps as well.  In the upper left corner, Mama Celeste is leaning out of her elliptical "window," angrily looking down upon at the mice.  Cloudy fumes are issuing from a vintage-style bug sprayer which she is holding in her hands and directing toward the mice.

"Deluxe Pizza Squirmin' with Vermin"

"Disappears in Microseconds!"






« Last Edit: October 01, 2017, 02:22:49 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #197 on: September 30, 2017, 06:37:19 PM »
Possibility...

"White Brain" Shampoo  (Parody of "White Rain" Shampoo.)

Bottle features Igor-like assistant (or young, voluptuous bimbo assistant) washing the exposed brain of a gorilla sitting in a chair (facing the viewer.)  Shampoo suds are dripping from the ape, and various electrodes and other gadgets are affixed to its head, arms, and chest.  In effect, the ape is being prepped for a campy B-movie, brain transplant operation.  In the near background, just to the side of the assistant, a beaming mad scientist (with disheveled hair) is giving a "thumbs-up."  On the other side of the ape is a table with a jar on top containing another white brain floating in formaldehyde. A label on the jar reads "A. Einstein" (or "W. Disney" - and the brain can be wearing a white, nondescript Mickey Mouse cap.)

"Mad Scientist Shampoo"

"Jasmine & Hibiscus" (With pictures of blossoms nearby.)

"With Active Maniacal Laughter!"

"Protects against Infection and Rejection!"


« Last Edit: October 01, 2017, 07:18:14 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #198 on: September 30, 2017, 07:13:03 PM »
Possibility...

"Black-Eye Socket" Eye Crust Mix (or "Betty's Socket")  (Parody of Betty Crocker" Pie Crust Mix.)

Pouch features woven pie crust covering a (blue and purplish) blueberry pie.  A huge, watery eyeball (nearly the size of the pie itself) is parting the crust and protruding out of the center of the pie.  Shiny blueberry pie filling surrounds the eye, and a few blueberries (with cyclopic eyes) are scattered about here and there on the tabletop below.

"Makes 2 Flaky Eye Crusts / Simply Add Tears"


« Last Edit: October 01, 2017, 07:21:07 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

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Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #199 on: October 01, 2017, 04:35:14 PM »
Possibility...

"Gary's Deli" Chocolate  (Parody of "Ghirardelli" Chocolate.)

Wrapper features a tall "Dagwood" sandwich bookended by slabs of dark chocolate (rather than sandwich bread) and topped with an olive or small tomato.  The sandwich is backlit by a golden glow.  Instead of an eagle, a crazed parrot is leaning down, gawking at the sandwich below.

"Intense / Deli Sandwich"

"Dark Chocolate with Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, Salami, Cheese, Lettuce, Tomatoes, Onions, Pickles, Mayonnaise, Salt, Pepper, and Oregano"

"Mountains of Gut-Filling Pleasure!"






« Last Edit: October 02, 2017, 03:13:39 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #200 on: October 01, 2017, 05:07:23 PM »
Possibility...

"WestWorld" Lubricating Oil  (Parody of "Wesson" Vegetable Oil.)

Bottle features upper half of android lubricating its exposed metal jaw with an oil can. Above the word "Wesson" (on the original bottle,) Westworld's  ("Vitruvian Man") logo is embossed on the plastic.  A rattlesnake is coiled up inside the bottle.  A black stetson hat is resting slightly askew on the bottle cap, and a fly is perched on the tapered portion of the bottle.  (The oil also has more of an amber color, reflective of western landscapes.)

"Taste the Revenge!"

"Oil for Androids!"











Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #201 on: October 02, 2017, 04:53:11 PM »
Possibility...

"Flamingles"  (Parody of "Pringles.")

Pink cannister (such as the one featured below) features a comic/cartoon flamingo standing on one leg.  Its head is above the "Flamingles" lettering, and it sports a red bow tie, mustache, and toupee parted in the middle (exactly like the Pringles Man.)  Below the lettering, the bird holds a cluster of chips (with a live shrimp worriedly peeking out) in its raised foot.  Upon closer examination, we see that the flamingo's other leg is not a leg at all, but rather a metal rod stuck into lawn grass.  Beside the rod is a lawn gnome on a mushroom spitting out a mouthful of chip crumbs and shrimps.

"Grieved Shrimp" (Flavor)






« Last Edit: October 02, 2017, 04:55:10 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #202 on: October 02, 2017, 05:31:17 PM »
Possibility...

"Bad" Ash Bags (Parody of "Glad" Trash Bags.)

Box features a garbage can (in the background) filled with assorted trash, as well as a trash bag (foreground) fully open at the top.  Inside the bag is the severed head of the android "Ash" from the first "Alien" film.  Weird, white milky android "guts" are dripping down the side of the bag.  A "typical middle-class" alien is carrying the garbage can by the handles and placing it at the curb alongside the trash bag, while a smaller alien "dog" hikes its leg on a nearby fire hydrant.  Behind everything is a typical suburban house.

"Guaranteed to Handle Tough Robots!"

"Great for Expendable Crews!"






« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 03:43:45 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #203 on: October 04, 2017, 04:34:51 PM »
"Old, Old, Very Old School" possibility...

"Klay-O" Soft Drink  (Parody of "Kayo" Soft Drink.)

The entire can (or bottle) itself - everything - is rendered in grayish-white.  Basically, it is a clay sculpture.  The letters and details are either raised or recessed.  Standing on a small step ladder is the comic character Kayo Mullins with a clay chisel in hand, working away at the sculpture.  A small pile of clay debris lays on the floor.

"Bake Well!"

"Sculpt Hot or Cold!"

"Chalkish Flavored Drink"

"NET WT 50 lbs."







Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #204 on: October 04, 2017, 06:03:01 PM »
Possibility...

"Unimpressed, Man!" 60 in 1 Pathetic Bored Games  (Parody of "Pressman" 6 in 1 Magnetic Games.)

Box features a chessboard (as opposed to a checkerboard.)  Miniature pieces are snoring in place (with tiny "Zzzzz..."s coming from them.  Rather than other games on the lower portion of the box, a (cartoon-like) car is traveling.  A smiling grandmom or granddad is driving, staring ahead.  In the backseat, a girl and boy (with mischievous grins) are leaning out of the open window tossing playing pieces away.

"Makes Road Trips Seem 10 Times as Long!"

"Ages 80 - 90"


Below the car illustration is a list of...

"Cool Games Included!"

- Checkers
- Chess
- Backgammon
- Tic Tac Toe
- Nine Men's Morris
- Solitaire
- And Much, Much More!

"Warning: Coma Hazard!"

"No Batteries Needed! / Electronics Free!"



Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #205 on: October 05, 2017, 03:55:49 PM »
Possibility...

"Pure Beef" Tea  (Parody of "Pure Leaf" Tea.)

Bottle label features a distant herd of cows on a western range.  A large drop of water produces a fish-eye lens effect on one of the cows, magnifying its head.  Its tongue is comically (or grotesquely, depending upon one's perspective) sticking out at the viewer.  Suspended inside the bottle is a barbecued steak, and instead of the embossed leaf, there is a transparent cow head (with horns.)

"Real Barbecued Tea"

"Kansas City Sizzlin' Sirloin" (Flavor)

"Made with Real Barbecue Drippings!

"Meat Lover's Tea"  (Written inside a superimposed heart.)

"100% Beef!"  ("No Bull!")

"U.S.D.A. Approved"






« Last Edit: October 05, 2017, 04:42:06 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #206 on: October 05, 2017, 05:08:28 PM »
Possibility...

"Brazen Robin's" Ice Cream
  (Parody of "Baskin Robbins" Ice Cream.)

Tub features a little girl holding an ice cream cone (in the foreground, whereas the girl, herself, is slightly more toward the back.)  A robin is gripping the cone (the way a woodpecker would grip a tree trunk) and tugging at a stretched worm protruding from the scoop of ice cream.  The girl's mouth is exaggeratedly wide open as she bawls, and tears fly from her eyes.

"More Feathers!  More Fun!"

"Sniffles 'N' Screams"


« Last Edit: October 06, 2017, 03:00:01 AM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #207 on: October 07, 2017, 08:00:17 AM »
Possibility...

"Ravingbugger" 'Big Bent' 3D Puzzle  (Parody of "Ravensburger" 'Big Ben' 3D Puzzle.)

Box cover features features a poorly-constructed, 3D jigsaw model of Big Ben clock tower.  The tower is cockeyed, leaning this way and that in a haphazard, zig-zagged fashion, and random puzzle pieces (along with exposed nails) are jutting out here and there.  Although the model is seemingly complete (in a sense,) other pieces are laying on the tabletop, as well as a hammer, nails, bottle of glue, roll of tape, etc..  On the left, an angry 10 year old child is gritting his or her teeth and tugging at their hair in complete, utter frustration.

(And, as if matters aren't frustrating enough, peeking up over one edge of the tabletop is a cat or kitten.  A paw is outstretched, going for one of the puzzle pieces.)


« Last Edit: October 07, 2017, 12:02:15 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #208 on: October 07, 2017, 11:59:31 AM »
Possibility...

"Thomas K'insane" 2020 Armageddon Calendar  (Parody of "Thomas Kinkade" Calendar.)

Calendar cover depicts a cozy, country cottage (with smoking chimney, even though it is sunny and mid-day) festooned in and nestled within gorgeous, beautiful, colorful flowering foliage (typical of dozens of Kinkade paintings.)  A quiet brook (with stepping stones) weaves past the cottage.  More flowers line the brook's banks.  The bucolic setting is one of harmony, serenity, and tranquility - save for two or three flying saucers hovering in the background against a pastel sky.  The invading spacecraft are shooting bright, golden death rays.  One is directed at the cottage, which is caught freeze-framed in mid explosion.  Shafts of golden light pour through the windows and exposed cracks.  Another ray has just blasted a couple fleeing across the stepping stones.  Caught in the process of being "vaporized" or "atomized," only their running skeletons are visible surrounded by a brilliant golden aura. 

"Painter of Fright" (Printed in a fancy scroll font.)








« Last Edit: October 07, 2017, 05:56:09 PM by Baked Bears »

Offline Baked Bears

  • Posts: 663
Re: Baked Bears' "Wordy" Packages
« Reply #209 on: October 07, 2017, 12:18:09 PM »
"Old School" possibility...

"The Booger Box" Bank (Parody of "The Bandit Box" Bank.)

Parody features a black "Booger Box" novelty bank alongside the cardboard box in which it was originally packaged.

The cardboard box features a green hand stealing a large booger (being one of the "O"s in the word "booger.")  The black "Booger Box," itself, features a plastic hand in the process of picking up a large green booger from the "coin" cradle.  Unlike the hand in the original product, the hand in the parody is upside down.  The index finger is slightly curled and upraised to form a "booger hook."  Other green boogers are resting upon or dripping down the sides of the black plastic box.




« Last Edit: October 07, 2017, 12:41:48 PM by Baked Bears »